


I never got to say goodbye

by MrDork



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Going to Hell, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kinda, M/M, Mention of - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, like i mean heavy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23608945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrDork/pseuds/MrDork
Summary: He started to deteriorate after a few weeks of being sick.It hit him fast..hit him hard.Nothing they did made him better, chemo, chemical-induced comas, nothing, it was new, some malignant mystery disease, and they didn't know what it was. Where it came from, all they knew is...he had limited time.Nothing was going to change that.
Relationships: Handsome Jack/Rhys (Borderlands)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	I never got to say goodbye

I took this photo a few years ago, during our vacation to Aquator, a few days before our beachside house got blasted to hell. Just me and Rhys on the beach together. After this photo Rhys gave me the biggest kiss on the cheek, we were so in love.

Afterwards , I started taking pictures of him every day.

He almost died that night, I wanted to keep as many memories as I could, just in case something happened.

Even when he got sick, I still took so many pictures, made so many memories. I wanted to fucking immortalize him the best way I knew how. It was March when we knew something was wrong.

He started to deteriorate after a few weeks of being sick.

It hit him fast..hit him hard.

Nothing they did made him better, chemo, chemical-induced comas, nothing, it was new, some malignant mystery disease, and they didn't know what it was. Where it came from, all they knew is...he had limited time. 

Nothing was going to change that.

At some point maybe after 3 months of in and out of the hospital, fainting spells and episodes of delirium, Rhys started getting better. 

He didn't look as sick anymore and he was visibly doing better. We thought maybe we got rid of it. But we didn't….only a week...only a week until he was sick again. 

Monday, June 6, Rhys fainted, ended up falling and hitting his head. Tuesday, June 7th, he was running a fever, not just some seasonal flu type shit, he was burning up. If it wasn't for his cybernetics cooling systems he probably would've melted out of his skin.

July, August, September, October, November and then December.

He lasted longer than the doctors thought, they estimated he wouldn't make it past September. But 3 months...wasn't enough time.

He had insisted on starting his bucket list August but I refused, kept saying he'd be okay and we'd get through this.

We started it in November.

I shouldn't have held off on it...maybe we could've got a bit more done. Its still miles long.

I regret a lot of things, but not spending those few precious months with him and Angel all together like some dysfunctional but, to me anyway, perfect family, will weigh heavy on me till today I fucking die.

One night he just..he said he was tired.

Said….

"Jack...please, I'm tired, I'm tired of being sick, jack. You gotta let me go, you _have_ to let me go, Jack, I don't have any more in me. I've already held out for as long as I could-"

At that point, I stopped listening, left the room and headed towards the nearest employee. Death and I were close friends. We went way back, sometimes it was the only way to cope, especially when I'm so consumed by these feelings, this anger.

This anger, and sadness, grief, terror.

I was blinded by my emotions hadn't known what I did until I blinked and was suddenly in the penthouse bathroom washing the blood off my hands. Even then I knew what had happened. Rhys would get on me about my nasty habit of murder when I didn't address my emotions. Maybe this is why for the first time in years I was unhappy at the thought of death. Couldn't bear it, couldn't even entertain the idea. 

Angel called me that night, the same day Rhys told me he was so tired. The same day that death and I were no longer friends.

I still remember her words, the way her voice wavered, how I could tell she had been crying, how she still was. I remember like it was yesterday..not just a few hours ago even though it's been a year.

"Dad, Dad you ha- god, oh my fucking god, please dad- you have to get down here, its Rhys, he's...he's go-gone dad, he's gone..." 

She started sobbing harder, unlike me, she was letting the tears flow but...but my eyes felt dry, I couldn't muster up any feelings. It felt so surreal, like a bad dream. Like I was on one of those reality shows where they pop out and tell you you're on tv and it was just a social experiment. I must've been in shock because I remember mumbling out "okay." Before hanging up and making my way down. 

It was Rhys, yeah that was him. Course it was just his body. Doctors said not to be alarmed if he let out some breaths. Just a reflex they said. Course a twinge of hope-filled the pit of my stomach when his chest hitched up before going back down in an exhale. No..no he was still very much dead. Angel was weeping over him, and all I could do was stare at him. His face, I hadn't noticed how bad he looked.

Cheeks sunken in, bags under his eyes and lips chapped. His hair was thin and dry and all the big machines made him seem so small. 

I didn't get to say goodbye, I never got to say goodbye to him. Never told him I loved him with all my heart, just on last time. Yes I know he knew I loved him so much I'd kill a whole planet if he wanted me too. I knew he left this world know Angel and I both loved him so very much. But something panged me to know I didn't get to tell him. Maybe it was the shock or the fact I just need consolation but...I never did get to say goodbye. Maybe I didn't want too.

Fuck, I still don't want to say goodbye.

Which is why I'm sitting here, gun in hand bullet in the other. Trying to hype myself up. I never thought myself as the suicidal type, yeah maybe in my younger days I attempted out of pure desperation to get out of my home life but, that's all it was. A way to escape. But now, I think its because I can't bare to live without him. Cant bare continuing in a world we're me and Rhys don't rule over the world together.

Maybe I'm selfish and narrow-minded and any word under the sky that means self-centred. But I am thinking of Angel how this would hurt her. I have everything set up so that, even if the company fails she'll never have to work. Eridium mines and companies set up in her name so is Hyperion falls she'll still have mountains of wealth to fall back on. Set up multiple bank accounts with billions of dollars in her name. She'd inherit it all if something were to happen to me. 

I load the gun, its a classically styled spinning chamber revolver. Though theirs only one bullet, I'm not in a mood for Russian roulette. This is probably where I say something like, 'i'll see you soon Rhysie' or 'im sorry Angel' but...this isn't the end of my story. No, not at all. I never make the move to put it to my temple or under my chin no, I unload it set it on my desk and stare at it. I stare at it as if it'll jump at me. My phone rings, Angel's calling me. 

"Hey dad, you still you for lunch?" 

"Of course Princess, I'll be down."

"Oki Doki, love you dad."

"Love you too kiddo." 

So maybe I am suicidal, depressed, manic and bipolar with paranoia, but I still have Angel and that's enough of a reason to live. So maybe I haven't properly grieved yet and really need to invest in a therapist, I'm getting there, baby steps. Baby steps.


End file.
